So, I have been dealing with a lot of bottled up emotions this past month since I experienced a mini-enlightenment phase.
I’m learning new ways to better my life, and it’s a transformative process that takes time, so I have to breathe deep and remember that healing takes time. I’ve been through so many hardships the past 11-12 years ;one after the other, and when I think the struggle has ended then another big setback comes along to remind me that growing is a never ending process. I have this tendency to want everything I expect or what I manifest has to be showing results the next day or it’s not happening. Before having my rathe unexpected awakening and my 3rd Eye was opened, I basically thought all of my praying, setting of magical intentions, hoping, begging, believing, and being cautious of the Law of Karma were unanswered requests to the universe. I actually stopped believing at one point.
Over the years, I’ve experienced one traumatic event after the other. My parents died less than a year apart. I was living with my father when he died, so inevitably I became homeless for the first time, with an infant 11 years ago. So, I made a difficult choice to give up my physical custody of my first-born. I was still in extreme denial about losing my Mom and Dad then I also lost everything I had come to possess, love, or care about in my 22 years of life. I had no idea how sheltered I had bee my whole life, until I looked around and saw nothing but darkness. I had no idea how cold the world could be when you had nothing to show for yourself, and in turn no one to call for help. All I owned were you the clothes I was wearing on my back. Those were probably loaned to me anyways. So I began my journey through life accumulating things and losing them every time I had to start over. I was re-rooted and re-planted several times. So let’s just say, I have started over a few 100 times in my short life-span.
I still always tried to keep the faith even through my hardships though. I’d pray and talk to God, and put my life in his hands. Things would eventually turn around, I just had to learn patience. Patience is a hard-womb battle for me too. I am so impatient I count the seconds from red light to red light because it makes me grit my teeth sitting still, just waiting on the next obstacle.
Even though I gave my life to God, I had this negative attitude towards myself. I always told myself lies, and believed them whole-heartedly. I felt unworthy of a happy, secure, comfortable life. I thought I did something so horrible I deserved to be punished with bad luck. I couldn’t understand why everyone else could get past these hardships or moments of negative happenings yet I was stuck. I never knew about the Laws of The Universe and the meaning of having open and balanced chakras. I stumbled across these ways of living because I was so fed up with my life. I had been to doctors, been diagnosed, medicated, cured and the I would be shuffled back to the beginning somehow. I tried self-help book after self-help book. I journaled. I tried to concentrate on different art forms, but I’d always get sidetracked. I still do. I finally started listening to binaural beats on you-tube, Reiki healing, and different meditations. I didn’t see much progress at first, but eventually, after a year of listening regularly every night I started changing. It went through phases, like the moon. First, I was numb and had no feelings here nor there, but I continued listening because it calmed my thoughts. Then, I was getting acknowledged at work, getting raises, getting promotions, becoming noticed for my ethic and I felt accepted for once. I never gave much credit to the videos, but now I know it was working. The Law of Attraction was working in my life. God was listening to my desires. I was changing the direction of my thoughts. I was re-programming my “stinking thinking. “
So I started noticing the changes in my everyday life based on my new mindset. My environment changed. My friends grew. My trust grew. I love was loving myself more. My need to please disappeared. So I continued searching for these Laws of the Universe. I continued mindfully making choices. I was controlling my life for once. I was finding happiness for the first time in my life. Now I know that all these misfortunes were preparing me for what was to come in the future. The universe did have a plan for me. I had not been left behind. So now here I am, still learning what my life purpose is. I am still just as curious about tomorrow. But I no longer blame God. My choices and thoughts dictate what my future holds. I am currently learning how to put my newfound thinking to action based movements. Needless to say, I have become an enlightened Goddess who loves nature, sees the beauty in simple things, practices meditating, and always wants to become my highest self.
To be continued…
So
My journey to becoming a magical Goddess 