Tag Archives: adulting

So, I have been dealing with a lot of bottled up emotions this past month since I experienced a mini-enlightenment phase.

I’m learning new ways to better my life, and it’s a transformative process that takes time, so I have to breathe deep and remember that healing takes time. I’ve been through so many hardships the past 11-12 years ;one after the other, and when I think the struggle has ended then another big setback comes along to remind me that growing is a never ending process. I have this tendency to want everything I expect or what I manifest has to be showing results the next day or it’s not happening. Before having my rathe unexpected awakening and my 3rd Eye was opened, I basically thought all of my praying, setting of magical intentions, hoping, begging, believing, and being cautious of the Law of Karma were unanswered requests to the universe. I actually stopped believing at one point.

Over the years, I’ve experienced one traumatic event after the other. My parents died less than a year apart. I was living with my father when he died, so inevitably I became homeless for the first time, with an infant 11 years ago. So, I made a difficult choice to give up my physical custody of my first-born. I was still in extreme denial about losing my Mom and Dad then I also lost everything I had come to possess, love, or care about in my 22 years of life. I had no idea how sheltered I had bee my whole life, until I looked around and saw nothing but darkness. I had no idea how cold the world could be when you had nothing to show for yourself, and in turn no one to call for help. All I owned were you the clothes I was wearing on my back. Those were probably loaned to me anyways. So I began my journey through life accumulating things and losing them every time I had to start over. I was re-rooted and re-planted several times. So let’s just say, I have started over a few 100 times in my short life-span.

I still always tried to keep the faith even through my hardships though. I’d pray and talk to God, and put my life in his hands. Things would eventually turn around, I just had to learn patience. Patience is a hard-womb battle for me too. I am so impatient I count the seconds from red light to red light because it makes me grit my teeth sitting still, just waiting on the next obstacle.

Even though I gave my life to God, I had this negative attitude towards myself. I always told myself lies, and believed them whole-heartedly. I felt unworthy of a happy, secure, comfortable life. I thought I did something so horrible I deserved to be punished with bad luck. I couldn’t understand why everyone else could get past these hardships or moments of negative happenings yet I was stuck. I never knew about the Laws of The Universe and the meaning of having open and balanced chakras. I stumbled across these ways of living because I was so fed up with my life. I had been to doctors, been diagnosed, medicated, cured and the I would be shuffled back to the beginning somehow. I tried self-help book after self-help book. I journaled. I tried to concentrate on different art forms, but I’d always get sidetracked. I still do. I finally started listening to binaural beats on you-tube, Reiki healing, and different meditations. I didn’t see much progress at first, but eventually, after a year of listening regularly every night I started changing. It went through phases, like the moon. First, I was numb and had no feelings here nor there, but I continued listening because it calmed my thoughts. Then, I was getting acknowledged at work, getting raises, getting promotions, becoming noticed for my ethic and I felt accepted for once. I never gave much credit to the videos, but now I know it was working. The Law of Attraction was working in my life. God was listening to my desires. I was changing the direction of my thoughts. I was re-programming my “stinking thinking. “

So I started noticing the changes in my everyday life based on my new mindset. My environment changed. My friends grew. My trust grew. I love was loving myself more. My need to please disappeared. So I continued searching for these Laws of the Universe. I continued mindfully making choices. I was controlling my life for once. I was finding happiness for the first time in my life. Now I know that all these misfortunes were preparing me for what was to come in the future. The universe did have a plan for me. I had not been left behind. So now here I am, still learning what my life purpose is. I am still just as curious about tomorrow. But I no longer blame God. My choices and thoughts dictate what my future holds. I am currently learning how to put my newfound thinking to action based movements. Needless to say, I have become an enlightened Goddess who loves nature, sees the beauty in simple things, practices meditating, and always wants to become my highest self.

To be continued…

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